We flew up to Seattle this past weekend to celebrate our one year anniversary while visiting good friends. Needless to say, we indulged in pizza, fries, steak, desserts and anything else we could get our paws on. I came home 2 pounds heavier and am still working off those extra calories. Hrmph.
So, we made it to one year! Looking back, it has been a year of learning both about ourselves and of each other. I think getting married later also presents more of a challenge because both people are already so independent and set in their ways that it takes an extra step to really compromise. If I were to narrow down my "lessons learned" as a first year wife, I would highlight the following (in no particular order):
I don't have to always be right.
This is a lesson I just started to really understand and embrace. Why did our friendly discussions turn into a contentious debate? Why did we end up completely frustrated with each other when we were just shooting the breeze just a minute ago? I really reflected on these escalations and realized one thing: In the midst of a conversation, we would get stuck on a something because we both wanted to be right! But at the end of the day, I realized that it just wasn't worth it. Every time we engaged, we would chip away at our marriage. We were sacrificing the health of our relationship just so we could be right about the most trivial things. So. Not. Worth. It.
It is okay to apologize first...and ask for forgiveness.
Even when I am the one who has been hurt. I used to think that apologizing first meant that I was guilty, that I was the one who committed the wrong, but it isn't. I remind myself now that apologizing means that I value the relationship more than I value my ego. I also think it is important to take it a step further and ask for and receive forgiveness from both parties. Asking for forgiveness is humbling and giving forgiveness is freeing for both parties.
It is all about perspective.
I have found that our spouses have the ability to pull the ugliest side out in us; even sides of us that no one else has ever seen. When that side rears its ugly head, I have a choice: to grow or dwell in the darkness? All of us have strengths and weaknesses, and I believe that it is our weaknesses that prevent us from living at our fullest potentials. I am still learning that I can be crippled by my pride, stubbornness, and inflexibility, but I can also choose to break the cycle and take the opportunity to refine myself and repent so that I am no longer hindered by my weaknesses. I am still learning how to hold onto God in these moments.
At one of our favorite restaurants: Capital Grille in Seattle
So, we made it to one year! Looking back, it has been a year of learning both about ourselves and of each other. I think getting married later also presents more of a challenge because both people are already so independent and set in their ways that it takes an extra step to really compromise. If I were to narrow down my "lessons learned" as a first year wife, I would highlight the following (in no particular order):
I don't have to always be right.
This is a lesson I just started to really understand and embrace. Why did our friendly discussions turn into a contentious debate? Why did we end up completely frustrated with each other when we were just shooting the breeze just a minute ago? I really reflected on these escalations and realized one thing: In the midst of a conversation, we would get stuck on a something because we both wanted to be right! But at the end of the day, I realized that it just wasn't worth it. Every time we engaged, we would chip away at our marriage. We were sacrificing the health of our relationship just so we could be right about the most trivial things. So. Not. Worth. It.
It is okay to apologize first...and ask for forgiveness.
Even when I am the one who has been hurt. I used to think that apologizing first meant that I was guilty, that I was the one who committed the wrong, but it isn't. I remind myself now that apologizing means that I value the relationship more than I value my ego. I also think it is important to take it a step further and ask for and receive forgiveness from both parties. Asking for forgiveness is humbling and giving forgiveness is freeing for both parties.
It is all about perspective.
I have found that our spouses have the ability to pull the ugliest side out in us; even sides of us that no one else has ever seen. When that side rears its ugly head, I have a choice: to grow or dwell in the darkness? All of us have strengths and weaknesses, and I believe that it is our weaknesses that prevent us from living at our fullest potentials. I am still learning that I can be crippled by my pride, stubbornness, and inflexibility, but I can also choose to break the cycle and take the opportunity to refine myself and repent so that I am no longer hindered by my weaknesses. I am still learning how to hold onto God in these moments.
2 comments:
May your next year and the next and the next... be a journey of growth together. Truly learning to live with and love another person is a lifetime adventure. What you said about forgiveness and being right. Ouch. Guilty. Still learning after many years. But - so. worth. it. ;-)
I love the title of this post. Happy Anniversary! I love that marriage teaches us so much about yourselves to make us more holy. xoxo!
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