Smash: The Song

I caught up on this week's episode last night and was blown away by the original song at the end sung by Jennifer Hudson.  One of the story lines is about Jimmy Collins, a troubled young man who works at a pub with his best friend and stays after hours to write and play music as his release.  One day, he meets Karen, an up and coming Broadway actress who overhears his music and convinces him to share his music and a big time Director to listen to his music.  Overwhelmed with putting on a show for Jennifer Hudson's character, the Director asks him to write a song, then dismisses him without even listening to it.  The song lands in the hands of the Director's colleague, a writer/composer who tells him he has made a mistake, hands him the song, and says that "this kid" is the real deal.

 Jimmy Collins (right) and his best friend surprised to hear his song performed by Jennifer Hudson's character

I connected with this song, tremendously.  The lyrics were so powerful and the emotion that Jennifer Hudson put in her performance gave me goosebumps.  Listening to the song from Jimmy's perspective moved me because I could feel all of the emotions that haunt him.  He cannot express himself through words or emotions, but through song, he conveys what conversations cannot. 

I thank God all the time for blessing me with just enough depth and life experiences to be able to appreciate music on a deeper level.  A song is not just a song.  So much is conveyed through a song if you really listen to it.  "I Can't Let Go" is the title of the song and just spoken as words, it is very as a matter of fact: I can't let go of my insecurities.  I can't let go of my past relationship.  But if you add music behind it, you feel how great the struggle is for the writer to let go of whatever he/she is holding on to and all the heartache he/she has been through.  You feel.

There have been moments in my past where I have found myself down, but could not explain why I felt that way.  I tried to journal, only getting more frustrated that I couldn't formulate sentences that made sense.  But behind a keyboard, everything would make sense.  Some of the greatest songs in history have come through heartache and despair.  This one is no exception.

I can usually predict the next note or where the melody is headed because most melodies are, well predictable.  This song had moments that took me by surprise, especially with the chord progression going into the second verse.  And of course, it added that much more meaning behind the song.

I bolded the lyrics where the words touched my heart and italicized where the song continued to build through the melody.  Love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They say nothing lasts forever
Well, I wish that that were true
Cause this aching in my heart won't go away
They say everything must change
They say that time will see it through
Well, I've listened and I've waited for that day

But I wake up with this anger
And the pain won't let me be
And the smile I share
Is only there for show
If I hang on to this heartache
Then my soul will not be free
So I keep trying
But I just cannot let go

I can't let go
Oh I need it to remind me
I can't let go
Oh, I just repeat the past
And though your arms are saying yes
I feel my heart keep saying no
I want to love you
But I can't let go

I had to live through bad beginnings
And I've seen unhappy ends
So I close the book
Before the story starts
I'm just a witness to my lifetime
And I'm a stranger to my friends
I'm a traffic cop (?)
A broken, damaged heart

Now you ask me to start over
But it's easier said than done
And the memories are strong when they arise
And when heartache comes a'callin'
I won't even try to run
Cause its songs that makes me know that I'm alive

I can't let go
Oh I need it to remind me
I can't let go
Oh, I just repeat the past
And though your arms are saying yes
I feel my heart keep saying no
I want to love you
But I can't let go