I was reminded of this video at church on Sunday when the guest speaker spoke of what it means to be empathetic. This message is so powerful to me because I am someone who longs for connection with those I care about. Without connection, there is a disconnect that grows and eventually drives a wedge between two people creating a distance that ultimately cultivates none but a superficial relationship with little to no depth. But we humans are meant for so much more!
To grow in connection requires us to be vulnerable, to dig deep within ourselves and be authentic with our fears, struggles and pain. And as Brene Brown shares in her video, to empathize with others and build a deeper connection is achieved by connecting with something within ourselves that knows the feeling the other person is feeling at that moment in time. Some of my greatest connections with friends and significant others were built in the most vulnerable moments filled with tears and hopelessness, but most importantly, LOVE. You're not a wuss if you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone. Life is exponentially more meaningful and fulfilling when you are so deeply connected with someone who's seen you at your best and loves you at your worst because you took that step to bare your soul and cut out the bullsh*t you hide behind. So, the next time you feel alone, take that risk to let someone in. And if you are that someone, soften your heart and try to empathize with them. Build a safe fortress around the two of you and share your hearts. You will be amazed and humbled by what happens next.
On the contrary, sympathy results in disconnection. So many people think that sympathy helps "fix" things and is enough to make the other person "feel better", but in actuality, it has the opposite effect. When someone is bummed about something, they don't need us to point out the silver lining or to hear us say "That sucks, I'm sorry" because that comes across as "I don't understand you" or "I don't really care", both of which creates distance. When someone shares their heart with you, what they are really saying is "I am feeling alone in this, and I long to feel connected (with you)". So let us throw sympathy out the door and invite empathy in and strive to connect, whether it be sharing a similar experience or giving them a big squeeze, sitting in silence, and reassuring them that they are not alone for you are with them.
Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better, is connection.
To grow in connection requires us to be vulnerable, to dig deep within ourselves and be authentic with our fears, struggles and pain. And as Brene Brown shares in her video, to empathize with others and build a deeper connection is achieved by connecting with something within ourselves that knows the feeling the other person is feeling at that moment in time. Some of my greatest connections with friends and significant others were built in the most vulnerable moments filled with tears and hopelessness, but most importantly, LOVE. You're not a wuss if you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone. Life is exponentially more meaningful and fulfilling when you are so deeply connected with someone who's seen you at your best and loves you at your worst because you took that step to bare your soul and cut out the bullsh*t you hide behind. So, the next time you feel alone, take that risk to let someone in. And if you are that someone, soften your heart and try to empathize with them. Build a safe fortress around the two of you and share your hearts. You will be amazed and humbled by what happens next.
On the contrary, sympathy results in disconnection. So many people think that sympathy helps "fix" things and is enough to make the other person "feel better", but in actuality, it has the opposite effect. When someone is bummed about something, they don't need us to point out the silver lining or to hear us say "That sucks, I'm sorry" because that comes across as "I don't understand you" or "I don't really care", both of which creates distance. When someone shares their heart with you, what they are really saying is "I am feeling alone in this, and I long to feel connected (with you)". So let us throw sympathy out the door and invite empathy in and strive to connect, whether it be sharing a similar experience or giving them a big squeeze, sitting in silence, and reassuring them that they are not alone for you are with them.
Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better, is connection.
